Out Of Perdition
by L3ftOfCent3r
Summary: During New Moon, Edward returns to Forks only to find that Bella did not survive her fateful cliff dive. For his family he keeps up life as usual while living in a semi-catatonic state...but not for long.
1. Chapter 1

I wrote this fan fic over 2 years ago, and never posted the whole thing on a fan fiction site. It's rough and it's short, but the beauty of it-is that it's complete.

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Enough is Enough

He wouldn't get through the year, and he knew it. His decision to stay in Forks and move on like everything was fine...was just a charade. It was all a pretense to sooth his families worries, but no one was fooled. Edward wasn't fooling anyone, no one...except himself. This became more obvious to him as he glanced around the classroom. Everything reminded him of Bella. He had tried so hard to erase her from his mind, but he couldn't. And the truth was that Edward didn't want to live in a world without Bella.  
"If she is dead, so should I be", Edward thought to himself.  
The sound of an object hitting the floor broke Edward's thoughts. His eyes shifted down to the floor as a pink pencil rolled to a stop a foot from his desk. The new girl, Tia, quickly rose from her seat and then sauntered over to where her pencil lay. As she bent down to retrieve her pencil she glanced up at Edward and stared at him as if she were seeing him for the first time. Her thoughts flooded his mind and Edward lifted his gaze from the pencil to meet hers. Though there was nothing surprising about her thoughts, her blood rushed through her veins and pooled under the pale skin of her cheeks. Edward quickly looked away and closed his eyes tight. Against his will Tia's face morphed into Bella's face in his mind. Bella's blush... Edward pushed away from his desk and hurriedly walked out of the classroom. He could hear Mr. Kinley's protests calling after him and the curious thoughts of the students, but he didn't care. Edward couldn't handle another day at Forks High School. He negligently ran through the hallways, avoiding caution because no one was around. 1st period was only mid-way through so Edward knew everyone would be in the middle of something.  
Edward slowed as he reached the double doors that lead out to the parking lot. He pushed open one door and then came to a stop once he was outside. From where he stood he could see his Volvo...and the figure standing next to it...


	2. Chapter 2

Alice's Premonition

Alice stood beside the silver Volvo expectantly. Her small arms were wrapped across her chest as if she were cold and her expression was forlorn. Edward sighed with aggravation at the sight of her. Her thoughts were filled with a concern that Edward couldn't comfort her from. As he strolled over to where she stood her mind grew silent.  
"Shouldn't you be in class", Edward asked glumly as he walked past Alice to open the car door.  
Alice didn't respond immediately. He could hear her muddled thoughts being processed in her head but he couldn't get the gist of it. Edward leaned against the swung-out car door and stared at her with intensity. Alice's brow furrowed as she glared up at Edward.  
"Are you leaving again," Alice asked, her voice riddled with frustration.  
Edward's own brow furrowed at her question and he tried to get a handle on what she was thinking, but her thoughts were too disconcerted to make out.  
"I can't see you anymore," Alice whispered, "I saw you in the classroom with the girl who dropped her pencil, then I saw you leave, but once you drive away in your car...you disappear. It's like you have no future. It's like you're...dead."  
Alice stared at the ground and shook her head in confusion. Dead. The word echoed in Edward's mind. He stood upright and glanced at the steering wheel in wonderment. "Where did I plan to go," Edward thought curiously. Truthfully, he had no plan, but the thought of being 'dead' was tempting. Edward slid down into the drivers seat and put the key in the ignition.  
"No," Alice yelled and then dove across his lap to snatch the keys. Edward grabbed them first and clenched them tightly in his fist.  
"I don't want you to die, Edward," Alice said as she crouched down beside his car and gazed up at him pleadingly.  
Edward smiled his crooked smile and gently ruffled her spiky hair with his hand.  
"I've made no plans to do so," he attempted to reassure her.  
The look on her face told him it wasn't working. Edward stared out the windshield at the row of cars parked in front of his.  
"Where do you see me going," he asked without turning to face her.  
"I don't," Alice stated sullenly, "Where did you plan to go?"  
Edward looked into her ocher eyes with sincerity.  
"I don't know, Alice," he admitted, "but...let me go."  
When he said those words he intended for them to have a double meaning. Edward didn't want to hurt his family, but being the selfish creature that he was...he didn't want to hurt anymore either. Edward continued to gaze into her eyes and something came over her face like understanding. Alice smiled slightly but it didn't reach her eyes.  
"You're not always right you know," Edward teased.  
Alice smiled a true smile, "Most of the time I am!"  
Alice rose to her feet and placed her hand on the car door. She stood there for a moment contemplating whether or not she should 'let go'. Edward didn't interrupt as she fought her inner battle.  
"Ok," Alice said and closed the car door.  
Edward stared at her through the window. Her mind was silent again but her face was bitter. He didn't brake his gaze as he put the key back and started the engine. Alice reluctantly lifted her hand to say goodbye. Edward did the same then reversed from his parking spot and quickly put it into drive. He could see Alice growing smaller in his rear view mirror.  
"Bella wouldn't want you to die," Alice added in thought.  
Edward winced at her name. It was like having a stake driven into his dead heart anytime he heard someone say her name. It reminded him that she once was 'here'. Bella... Bella! "Of course," he declared with triumphant. If he was to die there would be only one place on earth where he would go first...


	3. Chapter 3

The Graveyard

Edward remembered the day of her funeral. It was sunny that day. A beautiful, dry, sunny day. It was the kind of day that Bella had loved, but she wasn't there to see it. Due to the complication of the sun, Edward didn't attend her funeral, but he figured it was for the best. Charlie and a few others felt he was to blame for her death. Edward knew this. That day, he had hid in the trees near enough to see through peoples thoughts, but not close enough to be seen. The day was truly beautiful. The sun shone down through the leafs of the trees creating little circles of light on everything the trees towered over. Through Charlie's mind, he could see Bella lying in her open coffin, little circles of light dancing on her face as wind blew through the trees, and she looked so peaceful in her eternal sleep.  
"She rarely ever slept peacefully," Edward remembered grimly as he gripped the steering wheel tighter.  
He was driving at his usual dangerous speed, it was habit, but occasionally, when he thought of her, he slowed down. He remembered the first time she was in his car and how his driving made her nervous. Edward chuckled at the memory. He would forever remain baffled, and in awe, of Bella. This reminded him of how angry he was at himself. Regardless of whether Alice was right or not about Bella not wanting him to die, Edward felt like a failure. What kind of Romeo was he to go on living while his Juliet was dead? He felt that he had betrayed Bella by trying to move on instead of joining her in death. Physically, he hadn't even been to the graveyard she was buried in. This fueled his self-loathing more.  
"The person I have loved the most, dies, and I never visit her grave," Edward thought in disgust.  
"That will soon be remedied," he muttered to himself.  
His car took a sharp right turn on to a narrow, gravel-covered road. The road was adorned heavily by trees on both sides. Several of their branches hung over the road creating a canopy of leafs. It was a much gloomier day. No light shone through the trees and the road was dim. The sun was covered by a mass of gray clouds and it had rained on and off all day. Edward took a deep breath as the road curved into a clearing. A small funeral home was surrounded by a large concrete parking lot that was cracked and broken, badly in need of repair. Edward scowled as his Volvo jerked and jarred from driving over the damaged ground, but he managed to find a well-paved space to park in. The grave site was behind the funeral home, completely fenced-in by trees. There was at least of century of gravestones in the Forks Cemetery, but only one was of interest to Edward. Edward got out of the car and walked past the funeral home to the grassy, grave-covered field behind it. Before he reached the grass, a cool breeze blew against Edward and he froze in his place. A familiar scent was carried on the wind that told him that he wasn't alone. Someone else was visiting Bella's grave too...


	4. Chapter 4

Jacob Black

A stale, earthy stench that seemed to carry a heat all of its own, burned Edward's nostrils.  
"...Jacob Black," he thought with a grimace as he rubbed at his nose.  
From where he stood he couldn't see Jacob but he knew that he was probably standing at her grave. Edward thought to leave and come back later, but the odds were good that Jacob knew he was there already. Being a werewolf gave Jacob heightened senses, especially when it came to sensing vampires, and Edward was a vampire. That fact gave Edward an idea, and suddenly, he understood Alice's foresight...  
After he had left Bella, Alice was often unable to see parts of Bella's future, pieces were always missing. Later, Alice discovered it was because of the werewolf's that Bella had hung around. Alice couldn't see them or their futures...  
"And if mine was to intertwine with one of their's she wouldn't see my future either," Edward concluded as he walked down a grassy path that lay between two rows of gravestones. As Edward moved deeper into the graveyard his sense of Jacob grew stronger. He could hear Jacob's thoughts. His mind was hostile and filled with threats, yet, he was also curious. Edward's attention was drawn to a large oak tree that was rooted in the middle of the graveyard. Edward knew what would be on the other side...  
A figure of a man, nearly as big as the tree himself, emerged from behind it. Jacob stood holding a bouquet of flowers in front of a square-shaped gravestone that was concaved at the corners. Edward hesitated to move closer, not from fear of the man, but from fear of seeing _her_ name engraved on the stone. Besides, the man wasn't truly a man anyway, just an over-sized boy. Jacob glared at Edward and an aggravated sound came from his throat, almost like a growl.  
"You bloodsuckers make great boyfriends," Jacob said sarcastically, "You abandon your girlfriend while she's alive, skip-out on her funeral, and when you do finally decide to pay your respects...you don't even bring her flowers."  
Edward had to restrain himself from the temptation to brake Jacob's neck. He noticed that the flowers that Jacob were holding had been picked from the ground. Dirt still clung to the roots of the white daisies he held in his hand.  
"This place doesn't need anymore dead things," Edward retorted.  
Jacob's eyes narrowed and he kneeled to lay the flowers down beside her grave.  
"Why are _you_ here then," Jacob asked disdainfully.  
Edward gave him a once-over, noting that he was both shirtless and shoe-less...and smelled like a dog.  
"This is where _I_ should be," Edward proclaimed.  
Jacob stood to his feet and scoffed at his remark.  
"Six feet under," Jacob added, "and that can be arranged..."  
Edward considered this. He remembered once telling Bella that he would have traveled to Italy, and provoked the Volturi, if she were to die. Angering the Volturi had seemed like the easiest, and possibly the only chance for Edward to be killed. At least that was true until the werewolf's entered the scenario...  
Edward stared at the back of her gravestone instead of looking up at the wolf boy. His own pride made it hard to speak the words, but he swallowed it, and said, "Lets make the arrangements, then."


	5. Chapter 5

The Arrangements

Edward's words took Jacob by surprise. His tense stance relaxed and he stared at Edward in wide-eyed bewilderment. Edward didn't speak or move as he listened to the tumult of Jacob's thoughts. An image arose in Jacob's mind, a memory that Edward, too, remembered. The Prom. Jacob remembered Edward with his arms around Bella as they danced, both looking so happy together. Jealousy flushed the image from his mind and his body tensed again.  
"Do you actually think that you could _be_ with her again," Jacob asked rhetorically with a sneer, "If you die, there's only one place you'll go...and she won't be there."  
"I don't want to _be_ at all."  
Edward was filled with shame for having admitted this to a werewolf. He was disgusted with himself. He felt weak for asking his natural enemy for death, but as a vampire, death didn't come too easily. And Edward certainly couldn't kill himself.  
Jacob seemed to soften as an image of Bella's face entered his mind. Despite his hatred for Edward and his deep-seated desire to kill him, Jacob considered how Bella would feel.  
"She'd never forgive me," Jacob thought.  
"She'll never have too," Edward spoke, answering Jacob's thought.  
Jacob looked up at Edward with hate-filled eyes. He was not at all surprised by Edward's ability to read his mind. Bella had told Jacob about it, Edward knew.  
"Stay out of my head," Jacob growled as his body went into convulsions.  
Jacob's anger took over him and every muscle in his body twitched wildly. He clenched his fists tightly at his sides and turned away from Edward as he tried to calm himself.  
"Wh-what about th-the rest of y-your bl-bloodsucking family," Jacob asked in a shaky voice as he continued to fight off his anger.  
Edward was unsure what Jacob was getting at until he got inside his head again.  
"There would be no retribution. They would stick to the treaty," Edward promised.  
Jacob was calm again as he turned to face Edward. The two stared at each for a moment, and then, Jacob nodded his head.  
"Be somewhere in the woods at noon tomorrow," Jacob said without emotion as he glanced down at the gravestone.  
"And," Jacob added, "This is a one time offer. There will be NO second chances if you don't show up."  
Edward smirked at Jacob's terms. Nothing could stop Edward from showing up. Jacob glanced up at Edward expecting his response, and Edward nodded in agreement. Jacob gave a nod and then turned his attention back to Bella's grave. Edward watched as Jacob bent down on one knee and reached out his hand to the stony surface of the gravestone.  
"I'm sorry Bella," Jacob thought as he gently patted the corner of the stone with his hand. Jacob recoiled and quickly shifted his eyes up to meet Edwards. Jacob's anger rose again as he realized that Edward was still reading his mind. His body shook violently, but instead of fighting it off, he let it grow. Jacob took off running towards the woods, and in an instant a huge, red-brown wolf exploded from his body leaving nothing but confetti-like shreds of his pants on the ground. Edward watched as the monstrously sized wolf disappeared into the trees, and wondered what 'death by werewolf' would be like...


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own _Twilight _or any of the lines from William Shakespeare's _Romeo and Juliet._

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One Last Night

The gloomy sky had grown even darker since the last time Edward had noticed it. Night was approaching. Everything around him was losing illumination. Edward turned and faced Bella's grave for the first time. It would have been very difficult to read the engravings in the fading light, for feeble human eyes, but Edward's eyes were neither feeble nor human.  
Edward read it silently, "Isabella Marie Swan. September 13, 1987 to March 16, 2006."  
He immediately felt a strong indignation towards the gravestone after reading it. Edward felt it was inadequate. He was hoping to read a beautiful inscription that would glorify all the wonders of Bella into just a few words, but there were none. Edward sat on the ground in front of the stone and traced her name with his finger. He realized he disapproved of the gravestone too. He wanted it to be a large majestic stone that sat high on a pedestal and would shine whenever the sun hit it just right. That's what he would have chosen for her. Edward looked up at the oak tree that hovered over her grave and then glanced back down at the stone. It was very 'Bella', he decided. She would not have wanted something so extravagant or anything that stood out. Even the tree would probably please her because at certain angles it obstructed the view of her gravestone. Edward examined the tree from where he sat on the ground, and became inspired... He noticed that a large area of the tree trunk was missing its bark. It appeared to have been knocked or scraped off, but by what, Edward didn't know. Never-the-less, the surface left on the trunk after the removal of the bark was very smooth. Edward had in mind to leave an inscription, of his own, for Bella. Edward stood to his feet, and then dug his hand into the pocket of jeans to pull out his knife. He thought for a moment about what he wanted the inscription to say. He remember one of the last times he had been with Bella, one of the last good times... They were watching 'Romeo and Juliet' on her couch, or rather, Bella watched and Edward just watched Bella. Edward smiled at the memory. Edward held on to the image of Bella's face in his mind for a moment.  
"Beautiful," he thought and in that instant he knew what to carve into the tree.  
Edward recalled a few of Romeo's lines in the last scene of the play that seemed like a fitting tribute. Bella truly was his Juliet. Edward kneeled down by the tree and began carving the letters with his knife. He knew that others would see it. Some would understand the connection between 'Romeo and Juliet', and Edward and Bella's tragic love story, others would not. Edward took his time with the words, making sure it was clear and legible...and perfect. He made sure to carve the words in straight lines, evenly spaced, perfect.  
When he was finished, Edward stood to his feet and took a few steps back to get the full effect. From behind the gravestone, the inscription could very visibly be seen on the tree. In fact, from the angle where he stood, where most people would stand, the inscription on the tree ended just before the top of the gravestone began. Pleased, Edward smiled and read the words in his head:

"For here lies Juliet, and her beauty makes  
This vault a feasting presence full of light.  
-Romeo"

Those were a few of Romeo's last words just before he killed himself. Edward felt it was well suited. He imagined that it would please Bella. She had once defended Romeo when Edward had accused him of being 'fickle' and foolish. So he was sure that she would have liked the quotation.  
It was completely dark now. The night sky was cloudy and a steady breeze was in the air. Occasionally the crescent moon would shine down when there was a break in the clouds, but there were to many clouds to see the stars. Edward glanced up at the sky as a swift breeze blew against him. He wanted to spend his last night, there, with Bella. Edward walked over to the tree, sat down, and settled himself against it. And, for the first time in a long time, he allowed himself the time to indulge in his memories. Though he couldn't dream, he shut his eyes, and just thought of Bella...


	7. Chapter 7

Dilemma at Dawn

The last time Bella had been with all of the Cullen's was on her 18th birthday. The party had been a catastrophe. Bella had survived another near-death experience. Edward cringed at the memory. Several of his memories with Bella had been more unpleasant than they had been pleasing. He hated himself and would never forgive himself for that. Yet, despite all the horrors Bella was put through, she still loved his family and she still loved...him. Edward opened his eyes for the first time in hours. The darkness was fading as dawn neared. Overnight, the wind had blown away the clouds leaving the early morning sky undimmed. The stars shone brightly now, and far towards the east orange mixed in with the dark navy of the sky as the sun began to rise on the horizon. Edward thought of his family now. He knew that the arrangements he had made would break their hearts. However, they would never know the gruesome details because Alice would never see it happen. Edward was glad about about. He didn't want Alice to have the violent image of his death stuck in her memory. He thought to leave his family without saying goodbye. To leave them, only, with what little information Alice had to give them. However, his conscience tried to convince him otherwise. Edward had already decided to go home either way, not because of nostalgia, but because he realized that he couldn't leave his car parked in a cemetery. He didn't want there to be any unnecessary attention cast on his family when his car was impounded for sitting idly in a cometary parking lot for days. But, Edward feared going home. He feared that they would be waiting and he didn't know how they would react...or how _he _would react to their reaction. It was so much easier for him not to have to face them. It was easier for him to just...disappear. It was a dilemma, but he had no choice, he had to drive his car home. Edward quickly stood to his feet. He took one last look at her engraved name and whispered, "I love you."  
Without giving it another thought, Edward darted through the rows of graves and reached his car in a matter of milliseconds. With the same speed, he opened the car door and was behind the wheel. With futile hope, Edward drove his car with reckless speed in an attempt to catch Alice off guard. When he came within a mile from his home he realized just how futile his attempt was... He could sense them, all of them, and because all of them were there, he knew that it was because they were waiting for him...


	8. Chapter 8

The Cullen's

As he pulled up to the driveway he could see that someone had already opened his garage door for him. He pulled in, parked the car and turned off the engine. Edward sat there for a brief moment realizing that it would be the last time he would be inside any car. He then took the keys from the ignition and placed them behind the sun-visor. It was an action he had never done before, and one he would never do again. Edward flew from the car, and out of the garage, but stopped when he got to the front door. He placed his hand on the door knob, took a deep breathe and then opened it. They were all on their feet and staring at him with grim looks on their faces. Their minds were all overflowing with thoughts that poured into Edward's head and caused him a headache.  
"Quiet," he yelled as he clenched his head in hands trying to keep it from exploding.  
Their minds were silent but their expressions spoke for them. Edward didn't know how to being or if he even could. He didn't know what to tell them.  
"You were with that werewolf weren't you," Alice asked silently breaking his incoherence, "I told _them_ that's the only reason it could be why I couldn't see you."  
Edward's eyes seared into Alice. He realized he didn't give her enough credit. Edward glanced around at all 6 of them making sure to meet each ones gaze.  
"I'm leaving," he said aloud, "And there's nothing that can change that."  
"Nothing, huh," Emmett asked playfully, "Me and Jasper could double-team you and it'd change real quick."  
Edward looked to Jasper and he nodded in agreement. Edward smiled.  
"You both know that wouldn't work," Edward said just as playfully, "I'd know your every more before you did. Besides, you don't work well together anyway."  
Emmett and Jasper both frowned at that.  
"Isn't there anything we can do to make you stay, son," Esme asked pleadingly as Carlisle wrapped an arm around her shoulders.  
The pain in their thoughts pained Edward, but there was no changing his mind. The pain of living without Bella was too intense, and as time had already told, that pain would never ease.  
"No," he said remorsefully, "I've tried...and it's too painful. Too miserable...without..._her_."  
He still couldn't bring himself to say her name out loud, but he didn't need to say anymore. They already knew it was about Bella and they knew he was suffering. Jasper knew his pain more than the others. He could feel it, physically. On numerous occasions Jasper had enveloped him with happiness or any other emotion aside from his own. His intentions weren't always from sympathy, either. In fact, they were usually done out of annoyance. Today, Jasper didn't interfere.  
"So your going to let those dogs sink their teeth into you and tear you apart," Rosalie asked in disgust.  
Esme grimaced at the thought and Alice hissed at Rosalie's callousness. They all stared at him eagerly awaiting his answer. Edward laughed and then smiled his most sincere smile.  
"I love you all and I hope," he paused fixing his eyes meaningfully on Alice, "that you can respect my choices enough not to interfere. And, just accept that this is the last time you'll ever see me."  
In their minds, they all seemed to protest that last part, but none of them said so. Carlisle dropped his arm from around Esme and stepped forward. He briefly turned behind him to look at the others and then turned back to face Edward.  
"We love you too, Edward," Carlisle spoke for everyone, "Because of that we will respect your wishes, but we can't so easily stomach them. We ask that you stay, but that's all that we will do."  
Carlisle walked up to Edward and wrapped his arms around him in a tight embrace.  
"Goodbye, son," Carlisle said in a sure and steady voice.  
His thoughts were pleading, as were everyone's, but no one had any intent to try to stop him. They all lined up to say their last goodbye to Edward. Alice was last. She stepped up to him, threw her arms around him, and squeezed him tightly.  
"I can't see where you go when you leave here," Alice cried, "It's so frustrating not knowing."  
"I'm sorry," Edward replied as he wrapped his arms around her in turn, "But it's better, for you, that you can't."  
Alice made an agitated sound and looked up at him pouting.  
"I'll miss you, Edward."  
Edward wondered if he'd be capable of missing others _where_ he'd be going. Or, if he'd be capable of feeling anything at all. He didn't know, but if he could, he would miss them all.  
"I'll miss you, too," he added glancing around at all of them.  
He regarded each of them for a moment and they all did the same to him.  
"Send Bella our love when you see her again," Carlisle said silently.  
Edward turned his gaze to him. Carlisle's smile was confident and he nodded reassuringly to Edward. Edward wasn't reassured. He wouldn't get his hopes up. Carlisle still believed that, loathly as they were, they still had souls and Heaven was a possibility. Edward, however, was sure that he didn't deserve Heaven, and that was the only place Bella would be. Edward couldn't respond to Carlisle's request. He looked once more around the room at his family. He smiled, and then just as he quickly as he had gotten there...he was gone.


	9. Chapter 9

Departure

Edward ran straight into the woods and kept running until he was far enough away that their senses couldn't catch him. He didn't noticed how brilliantly the sun shined in the sky until he slowed down. The air was dry and he could feel the warmth of the sun on the light breeze.  
"It's one of those days," he thought to himself and smiled.  
It was the kind of day that Bella loved. For Edward, it was the kind of day where he had to stay out of sight from human eyes. On days like this Edward would go to the meadow. And that's precisely where he would go on this day. Edward didn't need a watch to know the time. He had been on the earth long enough that he could sense it without even looking at the sky. He knew he had about 2 hours left before they would come...if _they_ were on time.  
Edward started running again at his extraordinary pace. The air was in opposition to Edward's speed, as he ran through the forest the air pressed hard against him, blowing his clothes tight against his body and smoothing his hair backwards. Edward liked to feel the force of the air. It was one force he could always conquer, no matter what. This reminded Edward of forces he wasn't able to conquer. Forces like the one always trying to destroy Bella. Forces that did destroy Bella...  
Edward reached the meadow and stopped. The space was exploding with light. Edward pulled his t-shirt off over his head and threw it to the ground. He stepped into the sun and the light reflected off his skin in a million tiny rainbows just like it would a diamond. Edward wanted to feel the warmth of the sun on his cold skin one last time. The warm sun caressed his pale white skin and it reminded him of Bella's touch. Of course, it was no comparison to her gentle touch, but it felt wonderful all the same. Edward closed his eyes and remembered the last time he had touched her. It wasn't the happiest of moments, but at least he was able to hold her one last time. He remembered her death and he wondered what it was like for her. His own human death wasn't like 'real' death. Her soul had left her body and traveled somewhere far from here. Edward's soul... Edward didn't know whether his soul was still intact, or if it was waiting to meet him in Hell. Either way, he figured he'd be going to the same place...  
"If I would have only gotten there a moment sooner I could have saved her," Edward thought.  
He felt guilty. He felt that Charlie and Jacob and anyone else who had ever loved Bella should hate him. He felt they would be justified in hating him because Bella wouldn't have been so reckless if he had stayed with her and protected her. He did come back for her, however, but he was a moment too late...  
"She jumped of a cliff...for _fun_," Edward remembered grimly.  
There had been some type of metal debris floating in the water the day Bella had decided to go cliff-diving. He searched everywhere for her and even broke 'the treaty' to find her. When he had found her, she was in La Push standing dangerously close to the edge of a cliff. He yelled and he ran to her, but it was too late... She had hit the water too close to shore and a piece of the metal had pierced through her heart. Edward had gotten her out of the water first. Jacob was quick to follow. Edward was afraid to touch her when he saw the long metal shard protruding from her chest. He was afraid that by touching her it would cause further damage, but when he heard the sound of her fading heartbeat he knew it wouldn't matter. The air was heavily saturated with the scent of her blood, but it didn't faze him. Edward was so overcome by vulnerability as he held her carefully but tightly in his arms that nothing else mattered. He was amazed that she was so alert. She wanted him to 'turn' her. Even as Jacob was standing there she wanted him to do it. Jacob didn't protest. Though he hated Edward so much in that moment, for being a 'bloodsucker' and for being the one to hold Bella in her last moment, he would have agreed to anything that would save her. In that moment, Jacob felt like he was to blame. Never-the-less, sometime between that moment…and yesterday, Jacob had convinced himself that Edward was the one to blame…  
Edward caught a familiar stench in the air and it distracted him from the memory. He chose not to open his eyes. He chose not to see them. He could hear their thoughts and sense their excitement as they approached. Strangely enough, Edward himself felt a bit of excitement. Or perhaps it was just the adrenalin caused by the anticipation. Edward could sense that there were 6 of them, more than enough to do the job. The werewolf's came to a stop as the stepped into the meadow, as if they were waiting for his permission to attack. Edward smiled at their thoughts. It was painful for them to look at him. The light reflecting off his skin hurt their eyes. Edward found it amusing. Suddenly, the thoughts of a familiar voice stood out above the rest. The voice purposefully aimed it's thoughts at Edward.  
"If by some unjust fate you do see Bella again, " Jacob continued, his voice bitter, "Tell her I'm sorry and that…I love her…"  
"I promise," Edward replied aloud still not opening his eyes.  
More of Jacob's thoughts stirred in his mind. Jacob didn't plan to stay. After much contemplation, he had decided that he couldn't bring himself to kill…'something'…or anything that Bella had loved. Edward could feel Jacob's presence fading, and then, he was gone. Only the five remained.  
"Are you ready," a voice that was strange to him asked.  
Edward tilted his face towards the sky and his eyes were still closed as he took in a deep breath. Edward nodded and raised his arms slightly at his sides as an open invitation. He thought of Bella as a loud rumble of growls and snarls erupted around him. He felt the impact come at him from multiple directions. It happened so fast that the powerful force of their bodies slamming into his was all he could truly feel. He heard the terrible snapping and cracking sounds, but even as he did, he barely noticed the absence of his missing appendages. Soon he felt the warmth of the sun flick across his face, but it wasn't the sun, even the flames didn't feel too hot against his icy skin. Edward only hoped that the flames of Hell would be as ineffective. Edward saw Bella's smile in his mind and he smiled in turn. The image of her lovely face slowly faded as his mind was consumed by the emptiest blackness. There was nothing but blackness and silence as Edward took his departure from the earth.


	10. Chapter 10

Awakening

The pleasant trickling sound of running water woke Edward from his dark repose. He opened his eyes to find himself lying on the grass beside the stream that flowed near the meadow. Edward sat up, and to his astonishment, noticed that all his appendages were still attached. Had he only been dreaming that he died? Was he only dreaming now?  
"I can't dream," Edward declared loudly but his brow furrowed with doubt.  
Edward leaned over and looked at his reflection in the steam. He confirmed that he was still himself, but something _was_ different. Edward looked closer. His bronze-colored hair was still styled in intentional disarray, the expression on his face carried its usual unassuming smugness, but there was something different about his eyes… His eyes looked lighter. His eyes looked…green! Instinctively, Edward raised his hand to touch his face, and he quickly jerked away in surprise as he did. His skin was warm! Edward noticed that other things were different too. He moved differently, slower, humanly slow! Though the sun was shinning bright, when it caressed his skin, it did nothing! Edward tried to fathom how all this was possible, and _what_ this even was! He was definitely back in the meadow, but it was different somehow too. It seemed even more beautiful, if that was at all possible. Edward scowled in bewilderment as he tried to process what he was seeing...  
"Hello," a sweet voice greeted from behind.  
Edward jump started at the sound and a rapid unfamiliar beat pounded in his chest. A heartbeat?  
"That's new," he thought.  
Edward slowly turned around and gazed up at a face he had been sure he'd never see again. Quickly, Edward rose from the ground, but staggered to his feet, feeling intoxicated as he met her eyes.  
"Has to be a dream," he thought, "Has to be!"  
Edward instantly developed an aversion to consciousness as he stared at the lovely vision. If this was a dream, he never wanted to awaken from it...


	11. Chapter 11

The Improbable Vision

Bella stood before him, dressed in the blue that he loved to see her wear. The corners of her mouth curved into a smile, and she bit down lightly on her bottom lip, trying to prevent her smile from growing too big. Edward didn't smile back. He was waiting for this blissful vision to end. Suddenly, the vision ran towards him, taking on a new realism as it tackled _him_ hard to the ground.  
Edward coughed in protest as the air was knocked from his lungs. Coughing was also new to him. Bella was on top of him and her smile was sly.  
"Not so strong anymore, uh," she said playfully.  
Edward tensed at the sound of her voice and Bella noticed. Concerned, her smile faded and she reached her hand out and touched his face. Her touch felt more 'real' to him than anything had in a long time. He reached his own hand up to touch the precious hand on his face.  
"You know," Edward spoke, shifting slightly under her weight, "You were right."  
Bella's own heart thudded against his chest at the sound of his voice, and it made Edward smile.  
"What was _I_ right about," Bella asked curiously, smiling.  
Edward gave an exaggerated cough.  
"You ARE 'heavier than the average backpack'", Edward said playfully, remembering a warning she had once given him when 'heaviness' hadn't mattered.  
Bella firmly socked him in the shoulder and Edward winced at the slight pain. It made him smile, happy that _she_ was capable of inflicting pain on _him_. Never-the-less, Edward still had his competitive side and he refused to let her get off scot-free. Edward wrapped his arms, tight as he could, around her, and rolled them both across the grass. It took Bella by surprise and she screamed. They rolled a few times, laughing, until Edward stopped their tumble. He was on top of her this time, propped up on his arms so that he could look down out her smiling face. Edward found himself leaning towards her in temptation to kiss her, but he stopped himself. He temporarily had forgotten that this was all just some strange vision he was having, and that it would end at any minute. But how could it be a vision? He wasn't clairvoyant like Alice and he certainly couldn't dream... Edward rolled off of Bella, and without the grace that he used to possess, he quickly got to his feet. Edward paced back in forth through the meadow trying to understand how this was possible. There was only one other possibility, but it was one that Edward never believed was feasible...  
"Could Carlisle have been right all along," he wondered.


	12. Chapter 12

The Rest of Forever

It was hard for Edward to accept Carlisle's theory as a possibility. Edward turned to look at Bella, who was watching him carefully. She was still on the ground but she laid there half propped up on her elbows. It became even harder for him to believe in Carlisle's theory as he looked at her. He didn't deserve _this_. Edward stopped pacing and stood in one place as he crossed his arms across his chest. The frustration was easy to read on his face. Bella got to her feet but she didn't move towards him. She stared patiently, waiting for some kind of response from him.  
"Is this," Edward paused, feeling he might 'jinx' himself if he finished the sentence, "...Is this Heaven?"  
Bella walked up to him and grabbed his hand. Edward glanced down at the small hand that held on to his, and then looked up at her. Bella smiled.  
"It certainly is to me...now," she said looking up at him meaningfully.  
Edward smiled at her reply.  
"Well, what was it like...before," he asked.  
"It was much of the same," Bella admitted as she glanced around the meadow, "Just the woods, but...no _you_."  
Edward frowned at that.  
"All this time you've been _here_ alone," Edward said with a slightly angered tone.  
Bella lowered her eyebrows and gave him a puzzled look.  
"'All this time,'" she repeated into a question, "I haven't been here very long. But I was never alone! When I woke up, Gram was here... And, we talked for awhile until she told me that you were here, and that I should go meet you..."  
Edward ran his hand through his hair and began pacing again.  
"You've been dead for...over 2 years," he admitted hesitantly, "How is it possible that that time could seem so short to you? I don't understand it."  
Edward stopped in front of Bella so he could read her face. Surprisingly, her expression was very calm. The subject of 'time' hadn't seemed to faze her. Edward let out a frustrated sigh and Bella laid her head on his chest.  
"Some things aren't meant to be understood," Bella said with certainty, "And as long as I'm with you...the 'how' of it...doesn't matter."  
Edward wrapped his arms around her and rested his cheek against her head.  
"That's true," Edward said, "But I keep waiting for this 'dream' to end, and for you to disappear."  
Bella looked up at him and smiled.  
"You _know_ you don't dream, Edward," Bella scolded, "This is eternity, neither of us will be going anywhere."  
Edward smiled but it was still hard for him to fully accept that _he_ was somehow able to win a ticket to Heaven.  
"If this is Heaven and your not just a mere figment of my imagination," Edward began, "Then, I have a few messages to give to you..."  
Bella reached her hands up and grasped his face, seemingly uninterested in his news. Her deep brown eyes seared into his, now, green eyes, and she smiled. With the tips of her fingers, Bella touched the delicate skin under his eyes.  
"This will take some getting used to," Bella admitted as she stared into his eyes, "I'm so used to seeing them gold."  
Edward frowned, feeling self-conscience, and he shifted his eyes away from hers. He had forgotten that he was different now. That he was his 'human self' again, and he no longer had the ability to 'dazzle' her. In fact, he no longer had any of the characteristics that had attracted her to him in the first place. In that instance, Edward feared that she would grow weary of him now that he was _only_ human. Bella studied his glum countenance and intuitively knew what was bothering him. Bella rolled her eyes, laced her fingers through the hair at the back of his head, and pulled him down closer to her face. Edward tensed as she gently brushed her lips against his.  
"Gold, green, blue, black. It doesn't matter," Bella spoke against his lips, "If you had no eyes I'd still always love you."  
Edward smiled against her lips as he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her off the ground so she wasn't standing on her toes. He then pressed his lips hard to hers, relishing in the warmth and softness of her mouth. Bella threw her other arm around his neck, grasping on to him tightly as her lips moved eagerly against his. Edward paused. Bella noticed and groaned as she loosened her grasp.  
"What," Bella asked in aggravation, "Are your 'old rules' still in play?"  
Edward chuckled.  
"No," he said, still laughing from her annoyance, "I forgot to say 'I love you', back."  
Bella smiled and waited.  
"I love you," Edward declared with as much sincerity as he could muster.  
"Okay," Bella said quickly and then pulled his face down to hers to kiss him again.  
"Wait," Edward tried to shout, but her lips muffled the sound.  
Bella pushed away from him slightly and put a finger to his lips to silence him. Edward smiled his crooked smile against her finger but didn't say a word.  
"Edward," she said in a scolding tone, "We have the rest of forever...to _talk_ to each other."  
Edward kissed her finger and nodded in agreement. Bella smiled at his nod and then reached her hands up to run her fingers through his hair. They stared into each others eyes for a long moment, both smiling. Both accepting that forever was a very long time and there was no need to rush. Edward still felt a bit undeserving about the idea of being with her forever. But as he looked at her face and at all the beauty that surrounded them, he was filled with gratitude, and it overpowered his feelings of unworthiness. Edward wrapped his arms tightly around Bella and buried his face in her hair. He inhaled her scent and noticed how differently she smelled to him now. There was no hunger, no itching desire deep inside of him to kill her, and Edward was thankful for that too. From now on, they were the same, they were equals, and it _only_ made sense that they should be together, now. And the would be...  
"For the rest of forever," Edward whispered.


End file.
